Looking Forward

When I dropped Vince off yesterday morning we'd made plans for dinner, I was cooking!  He mentioned he may have a couple of drinks after work and would ring when he was on his way so that I could 'time the dinner'.  Time ticked by.  At just after 9 my mobile rang, I could see it was Vince but by then I was already miffed and so didn't answer.  He didn't leave it ringing for long and didn't call back!  At 9.12 I received a text 'Got a quiz going.  Be home soon. Blame Patrick x' So did that mean he was on his way or not?  I went to bed, I'd lost my appetite anyway. 23.12 another text 'Nearly there, sorry I'm late x' Totally pissed off by now, tried very hard to fall asleep. 

He appeared around 23.30, stuck his head around the bedroom door asked if I was ok and then went to watch his 'Hollyoaks' spin off thing on tv.  I woke up at 1.20, Vince was still in the lounge and asleep.  Against my better judgement I went in and woke him up telling him to come to bed which he did.  He did try to cuddle me, well he flung his arm around me before falling asleep.  I got up early this morning, not sure what I might say so decided it was probably better I stayed out of his way.  In the lounge I found a sachet of ketchup and in the kitchen bin the remains of his supper which he'd brought home with him!  Again I could feel myself getting angry.

The drive to his this morning was 'strained' I actually commented that he was quiet without much of a response.  He asked about dinner tonight, his turn to cook and I commented that we'd still got last nights ingredients as I had been waiting for a call?  He said that he had called and I'd not answered!!!!  Anyway he could reuse some of the things!  As he got out the car I said 'See you later' (habit) to which he replied 'If you're lucky' (although he was grinning)  Well, I'm afraid that pushed me over the edge and I snapped back something along the lines of, 'Well if that's how you feel don't bother'  He did stick his head through my window for a kiss, he received a peck, then I drove off!

Now I'm at work, still feeling miffed.  I know that he's been a single bloke for nearly 42 years, and I don't want to change him or impose 'rules' on him.  All I wanted was for him to tell me that he wasn't going to be back for dinner so that I could have sorted myself out, am I being unreasonable?  How do I put my point across without sounding like a nagging partner already??  Do I just let it go as a one off and hope it doesn't happen again, or should I make it clear how I feel about things from the start?  I know it may sound as if I've blown this out of proportion, but I don't intend becoming the doormat I was when I was married. 

Our respective evenings out went well and as I thought we met up to come home together.  Our evening with J&J was also a success, with them asking when we could go out again.  I did receive a phone call the following day however saying that when they'd first saw Vince they were a little taken aback as he looks so much like the ex!!!  (I still can't see it myself, but then maybe they are both within my 'type' range)

And that leads us on to our weekend away in the Cotswolds.  We checked in with time to have a meal in the bar before retiring to our room to watch the Eurovision Song Contest - oh joy!!! but it actually was a good evening, helped by the fact that Vince was exchanging texts with his other sad Eurovision buddies and making outloud comments to the tv!  Just a shame about the result, but then I think it was what most people expected.

The weather was awful but that didn't stop us from exploring Stroud, Cirencester, Cheltenham and Gloucester, although the majority of shops were closed due to it being a Bank Holiday weekend!  We also saw the start of the annual cheese rolling just outside of Painswick and even had time to wander around the shops in Stratford on our way home on Monday evening; and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it!  I'm NOT a female who enjoys shopping ('What'? I hear you say) but it's true.  Vince however is a huge shopoholic but he makes it so much fun!! Overall we had a fantastic weekend with plenty of quality time together. 

My next task is to arrange a night out for Cliffy C for her 45th birthday.  I'm thinking about an evening at the over 30's disco at the Cadbury Club, Bournville, my only problem is that I will be expected to play taxi driver again!  Oh well, I guess with all the good things happening I can't grumble too much!  I'm still hoping that some of my good vibes can be passed onto my blog friends that need cheering up at the moment, I'm still sending you cyber hugs, you know who you are....

We are both out tonight with different groups of friends but will probably meet up before coming home together.  It doesn't bother me that he has his evenings out without me, I'm usually invited anyway, but I trust him and find that by us still having some personal space and time apart, we seem to be even closer. (Does that make sense?)

We have an invite on Friday to J&J's, a couple that the ex and I met 10 years ago, with a view to meeting Vince.  Think we are both a little apprehensive, this will be the first time I've seen friends who have only ever known me as Mrs J - oh well, as they asked I'm sure it can't be too bad, can it?

When I got home fom work last night he was already home and cooking our dinner, and it felt right, not an invasion of 'my space or privacy' just comfortable and a little bit exciting!

Today is our '2 month anniversary', he's bowling this evening then coming 'home'.  Strange how we both refer to mine as home, well he hasn't stayed at his in just over 2 weeks! 

Unfortunately at the moment for every good thing that happens I also seem to get a bad thing.  My cat, Millie, became lame over the weekend resulting in us taking her to the vet.  Millie has always walked with a limp due to arthritis but she was unable or unwilling to put any weight onto her one leg.  Now Millie is grumpy at best and this made her downright cantankerous!  The vet gave her a couple of injections which seemed to ease her leg for a couple of days and on Monday she was given some medication to take for a week.  Things seemed to be going ok until last night when she again seemed reluctant to put any weight onto her leg.  I'm keeping an eye on her but I'm not really sure what the long term outcome is going to be.  I really don't want her to be in pain; she doesn't go out (agrophoblic) and her only pleasure seems to be shedding her black fur on my cream duvet cover, but she then can't get off the bed without hurting the leg further, so I really don't know what will be the best for her.

Another good thing, I was able to put Vince onto my car insurance without any additional cost - YIPPEE and then the bad thing, my step-dad collapsed yesterday afternoon.  Luckily I was there within 5 minutes by which time he had started to come round. After medical advice his blood pressure tablets have been halved, but it has badly shaken my Mom.  So I guess my life is going to be like this from now on, good karma cancelled out by bad.  Maybe this is just a transition phase and soon I'll be into the good karma only period - I do hope so!

You see, I didn't blog about it at the time, but the night before Vince came back from Goa and I met up with Curt and Fiona, Curt actually propositioned me as we were travelling home.  Naturally I turned him down and clarified that we are only 'friends' and after a little persuasion got him to agree that this was for the best.  I explained that on our 'second' date he had told me all about Julia, someone he'd had an affair with many years ago and who he'd recently bumped into, so I assumed his interests lay elsewhere.  On our third meeting he suggested I contact Vince and the rest is now (recent) history.  Much as I was flattered, I couldn't and wouldn't cheat on someone, I've been on the receiving end too many times and know how it feels.

Anyway, the closeness that had developed between Vince and myself meant that when he returned he knew something wasn't quite right and has guessed what happened.  Vince and Curt have never met, until tonight that is!  So I guess I'm also a little apprehensive incase something is said or hinted at, hence my reluctance to have a drink. 

Looking back I've had some really low points, and done some pretty stupid things but with the help and support of my friends, family and the community here in blogland, I somehow have made it through.  Yes, I may be looking at things through slightly rose coloured glasses at the moment and yes I'm quite prepared for there to be some low points still to come, but now I know that I WILL be ok and that I'm NOT a failure just because I couldn't make my marriage work.