tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2009-11-12:/MokoFeed2009-11-12T19:15:03+01:00tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2009-01-20:/2009/01/21/wow-where-has-the-time-gone-to-nbsp-just-checked-5415522/LifeBegins2009-01-21T00:16:14+01:002009-01-21T00:17:25+01:00 <p><span><span>Wow where has the time gone to?  Just checked back and my last post was in September!!<img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/image/smileys/092eek.gif" alt=""> so I need to give you a brief round up of news... (although I have to admit I do pop in at least twice a week to catch up on everyone's gossip)</span></span></p> <p><span><span>....the holiday to Gozo was great.  Good weather, spoilt rotten the only downside was the creepy villa, I had to sleep with the light on it was that spooky!</span></span></p> <p><span><span>Vince gave notice on his flat and officially moved out mid December, just before we went to Tenerife for 2 weeks over Christmas, returning on New Years Eve.  Another good holiday, not as hot as we'd have liked but then it was the worst weather Tenerife has had at that time of the year in nearly 10 years!  Also found it 'quiet' think the £/€ didn't help but we managed to come back with suntans and much lighter wallets!</span></span></p> <p><span><span>We are also now looking at possibly getting a place together, not that we're not happy in my flat, but I guess it will always be my place and not 'ours' as it was somewhere I chose with the ex.  Yep, we know things are rocky on the housing market but we're quite happy to wait for a bargain to come our way (hopefully!) and having spoken to an IFA it would be possible for me hang on to my flat and rent it out.</span></span></p> <p><span><span>The job is going well and today I was offered the position permanently as opposed to just on a secondment.  Much busier, hence my lack of posts on here.</span></span></p> <p><span><span>My sister and family have settled in York and are happy to be back in the UK and its good to be able to see more o them.</span></span></p> <p><span><span>So there you go, a very quick summary.  10 months on and Yes, I'm still blissfully happy, No I've not started that diet I promised I would but somehow it doesn't seem so important.</span></span></p> <p><span></span></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2009/01/21/wow-where-has-the-time-gone-to-nbsp-just-checked-5415522/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-09-17:/2008/09/17/update-again-4739410/LifeBegins2008-09-17T11:31:03+02:002008-09-17T11:31:03+02:00 <p>Where has the time gone to???   Ok, a quick update, Vince did stay at his place that Friday evening and we met up on the Saturday for bowls and then onto a meal for my sister's 40th and everything was fine.  We both 'missed' each other and I think that his night at his flat has made him appreciate what 'we have'.</p> <p>We reached our 6 month anniversary (is there a name for this, like a demi-versary?) and now only have 5 days until our holiday.  I believe that depending on how the holiday goes, Vince will give up his flat when we get back.  We've had a couple of conversations about 'us' and 'the future' and 'emotions' usually after he's had a bit to drink as he tends to be very guarded about telling me how he feels.  </p> <p>Overall, my understanding of the situation is this, Vince loves me and wants this to work, however lurking from our past is the 'fear' that I could change my mind at any moment.  He rarely tells me that he loves me, saying that his actions should be enough for me to know, but again, when prompted into a discussion, he'll admit that his reasons are to do with the past.  In his own words, 'I told you I loved you only for you to steal my heart, tear it into pieces and then stamp all over it, only for you to come back into my life and do it all over again'.  I know that he's looking forward to our holiday and I also know that it's a final 'test' of me.  He does have a point, although we've been practically living together for the past 5 months, we've not spent 24 hours a day for 7 days, together.  </p> <p>We do talk more openly about the future.  He's looking to change jobs, progress in his career and does ask my opinion on vacancies and locations.  We've looked at changing my car and the possibility of buying somewhere together but no firm plans on either.  I really believe that the holiday will be a make or break time, not that I intend to let that stop me having a good time, and I firmly believe that when we get back he will give up his flat. </p> <p>On my job front, I leave my current place on Friday so that I start my secondment when I return from holiday on 1st October.  Have arranged to go out straight from work on Friday evening with my current work crowd and intend to have one or two drinks!!!  Had already arranged to have Monday off as annual leave to give me a chance to do my packing, the flight is a ridiculous time of 6.20am which means leaving home somewhere around 3 - 3.30am!!!!  Anyway, have babbled on enough now, will update you after the holiday!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/09/17/update-again-4739410/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-08-22:/2008/08/22/playing-catch-up-4622168/LifeBegins2008-08-22T11:34:07+02:002008-08-22T11:34:07+02:00 <p>Wow!  How long has it been since I posted??  Although I do pop in every other day and read everyone's posts, I just haven't had much time to post myself until now. </p> <p>My Mom has had a minor op to try to sort out her problems and she is still waiting on the results of a CT scan but things are generally looking ok for her health wise.</p> <p>Vince's step-dad died suddenly (aged 54) so we've had the upset of that to deal with, the funeral was last week.  </p> <p>Vince has been working away in Ireland, he came back last week prior to the funeral and (fingers crossed) shouldn't have to go back.</p> <p>My sister and her family seem to have settled into life in York.  They are coming to visit this weekend as it's my baby sister's 40th birthday!!!</p> <p>I've decided to change jobs and have taken a secondment at one of our other sites that I sometimes cover for.  It means a slight pay rise but that is offset by the fact it's slightly more travelling!  My main reason for moving is that I know I won't be bored there.  </p> <p>But I guess what you really want to know is how Vince & I are getting along?   Well...... from my point of view, very, very well!  I'm still happy and have never laughed so much, the down side is I still occasionally have moments of real self doubt.  I can't understand why someone so charming, loving, good-looking is with me.  I over react to silly things due to my lack of self confidence although I try not to say or do anything to show this, it doesn't stop the doubts in my own mind growing out of all proportion.</p> <p>Vince still has his own flat although he hasn't stayed there in months.  This at times can be a 'thorn' for me.  I can understand him wanting his own space, somewhere to 'fall back to' but then at other times I see it as a lack of commitment to me.  I know that he just hasn't had time over the past couple of months to sort anything out; I guess I'm just impatient!  He's out tonight on a works leaving do and has suggested that he actually stay at his own flat, maybe being there will make him miss his 'home comforts', I hope so!</p> <p>So, that's me up to date, should I think of anything else I'll let you know!</p> <p> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/08/22/playing-catch-up-4622168/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-07-08:/2008/07/08/day-off-4419492/LifeBegins2008-07-08T12:18:16+02:002008-07-08T12:18:16+02:00 <p>Hello eveyone <img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/icon_wave.gif" border="0" alt="">  </p> <p>Just a quick entry as although it's my day off and I'd planned catching up on some sleep, I have to take my mother to the hospital this afternoon to discuss the results of a scan she had yesterday that has shown a growth in her womb!  </p> <p>Vince also came home last night and has been told he's off to Dublin today until Friday/Saturday, then back to Dublin Monday for the week with the possibility of another week after that!!</p> <p>So I've just finished some washing, am waiting for a call from Vince telling me his flight times and then I'm off to the hospital - oh joy on a day off!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/07/08/day-off-4419492/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-07-03:/2008/07/03/generally-happy-4397817/LifeBegins2008-07-03T13:02:42+02:002008-07-03T13:02:42+02:00 <p>Another two weeks has flown by without me blogging, where is my time going???  Last week I actually took my day off (Tuesday) instead of working extra hours and I still feel as though I'm running to catch up!  </p> <p>Work is still not occupying me (hence this entry now).  I really need to decide whether I look for something else or plan my escape to the sun! Evenings and weekends when not seeing my Mom or friends, are mainly taken up spending time with Vince, either bowling or just chilling in the flat.  I have to say that I've never been so happy, nor have I laughed so much; I'm sure my neighbours must wonder what's going on sometimes!!<img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/060lol.gif" border="0" alt="">  His wardrobe is now built and a suitcase full of clothes appeared yesterday.  We still haven't spoken about a 'moving in date' as such but as he always stays at mine, I guess it's as if he's moved in already anyway!</p> <p>My only problem, if you can call it that, is the fact I'm still having difficulty adjusting to being just 'a partner'.  That may sound stange , but what I mean is, when I was married I was 'a wife' and along with that came certain expectations and/or obligations.  As a partner I have to take a step backwards and allow him his independence, space to still be an individual, not always part of a couple.  Not that I suffocated my husband you understand but I think I'm still finding it difficult when he goes out with the lads or out on works do's (which seem to happen most Friday evenings) even though he always returns home to me.  Maybe it's just my own insecurities making me paranoid.  I do trust him (unlike the ex) and I know that he trusts me.  I guess I've just got to learn to 'go with the flow', not worry about problems or situations which don't exist, learn to relax and enjoy it, after all he does make me so very happy!</p> <p> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/07/03/generally-happy-4397817/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-06-23:/2008/06/23/when-emotions-become-stirred-4351224/LifeBegins2008-06-23T11:40:07+02:002008-06-23T11:40:07+02:00 <p>Which happened on Friday evening.  I'd been out with my friend Tina and Vince had been out with some work colleagues.  I got dropped off home at about 10.20 and Vince was in the kitchen, cooking some sauces for the weekends meals.  We had a drink together and listened to some of his music, then the following song came on and Vince 'dedicated' it to me...</p> <p> <p> Now I can understand maybe why he feels like this, yes I have walked away from him in the past, so I apologised; to which Vince stopped the track and told me that I didn't undersatnd at all, so I asked for him to explain.  It turns out that he played this track over and over <strong>last year</strong>! Nothing to do with the previous years, but to do with me being in contact with him last year, being honest with him (I thought) telling him about my involvement with the ex (everything!) and how I wasn't in a fit state to have a relationship with him but valued his friendship.  </p> <p>We talked at length, but you know what, I'm still confused!!  I still don't really understand how or why I caused him pain last year???</p> <p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/06/23/when-emotions-become-stirred-4351224/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-06-20:/2008/06/20/i-don-t-usually-do-this-but-4340062/LifeBegins2008-06-20T11:26:07+02:002008-06-20T11:26:07+02:00 <p>Received this via email and thought I'd share it..</p> <p><span>A Tale of Two Prawns</p> <p> Far  away  in the tropical waters of the </span><span>Caribbean</span><span>, two prawns were</p> <p> swimming  around in the sea, one called Justin and the other called</p> <p> Christian.    The   prawns   were  constantly  being  harassed  and</p> <p> threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.</p> <p> Finally  one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a</p> <p> prawn;  I  wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries</p> <p> about being eaten."</p> <p> A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted."</p> <p> Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark.</p> <p> Horrified,  Christian  immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten</p> <p> by  his  old  mate.  Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin</p> <p> found  life as a shark boring and lonely.  All his old mates simply</p> <p> swam  away  whenever  he came close to them.  Justin didn't realize</p> <p> that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.</p> <p> While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he</p> <p> thought  perhaps  the  mysterious fish could change him back into a</p> <p> prawn.   He  approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and,</p> <p> low and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.</p> <p> With  tears  of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his</p> <p> friends  and  bought  them  all a cocktail (the punch line does not</p> <p> involve  a  prawn  cocktail - it's much worse).  Looking around the</p> <p> gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.</p> <p> "Where's Christian?" he asked.</p> <p> "He's  at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides</p> <p> to the enemy & became a shark," came the reply.</p> <p> Eager  to  put  things  right  again  and  end  the mutual pain and</p> <p> torture,  He  set off to Christian's abode.  As he opened the coral</p> <p> gate,  memories  came  flooding  back.   He  banged on the door and</p> <p> shouted:  "It's  me,  Justin,  your old friend, come out and see me</p> <p> again."</p> <p> Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me.  You're now a shark,</p> <p> the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."</p> <p> Justin  cried  back  "No,  I'm  not.   That  was  the old me.  I've</p> <p> changed........."</p> <p></span><span><br> (You're going to love this.....)</p> <p> "I've found Cod.  I'm a Prawn again Christian."</span> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/06/20/i-don-t-usually-do-this-but-4340062/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-06-19:/2008/06/19/moving-along-4336192/LifeBegins2008-06-19T12:59:43+02:002008-06-19T12:59:43+02:00 <p>Driving to work this morning Vince casually mentioned that he'd exchanged emails with his letting agent about giving notice on his flat....... YIIPPPEEEE!!!!!!<img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/060lol.gif" border="0" alt="">  </p> <p> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/06/19/moving-along-4336192/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-06-18:/2008/06/18/the-curse-of-sherry-4331178/LifeBegins2008-06-18T11:00:10+02:002008-06-18T11:00:10+02:00 <p>I used to drink sherry in my teenage years and I moved into my flat with an unopened litre bottle of Harvey's that I'd had for some time.  Well last night, whilst Vince was cooking, for some strange reason I decided to have 'a sherry'.  The evening wore on and so did the amount of sherry I drank until, the bottle was empty and I was put to bed <img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/11redface.gif" border="0" alt=""></p> <p>I felt ok first thing this morning, but now, sitting at work, my head is throbbing and I feel ever so slightly sick.  Have also just checked my mobile and for some bizarre reason, after being put into bed I text Vince, who was in the lounge, and asked him to marry me!! His reply???  <strong>If you promise no sherry at the reception x</p> <p></strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/06/18/the-curse-of-sherry-4331178/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-06-16:/2008/06/16/slipping-4322663/LifeBegins2008-06-16T14:09:13+02:002008-06-16T14:09:13+02:00 <p>Ooopps!  Can't believe nearly two weeks has slipped by without me making a blog entry!  I have been here, most days, catching up on all your posts, but as things seem to be fairly 'normal' in my life at the moment I didn't want to bore you all!</p> <p>Vince and I have been getting along fine since his trip to Edinburgh, very well infact!!  He hasn't exactly moved in yet, but he hasn't slept at his own flat in over 6 weeks!  He's mentioned giving his own place up, but I can understand the need for both of us to maintain a degree of independance, so I haven't forced the issue. However, a matching flat-pack wardrobe was delivered to mine on Saturday so that he has somewhere for all his clothes!!  Saturday also marked our 3 month '1/4versary' again, I can't quite believe where the time has gone!</p> <p>It's now only 14 weeks (tomorrow) until our holiday to Gozo.  I really must go on a diet between now and then, well, maybe from tomorrow!  Tonight I'm taking Vince to a bowls competition over in Solihull and there's a really nice country pub over that way that does good food that I've been dying to take him to as a way of saying 'Thank You' for the Cotswolds weekend, so tonight is my opportunity!  Which reminds me, did I mention that when he bought his new 'red,white & blue' bowls I also purchased a pair? They're bright yellow and weigh 2lbs 2ozs each and look like a couple of grapefuits on the green, but as I'm only playing for fun, I don't mind the jokes!!</p> <p>Anyway, I'm off now to comment on some blogs, and to do some proper work.  Will speak to you soon!!<br> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/06/16/slipping-4322663/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-06-03:/2008/06/03/and-the-day-just-gets-better-4262669/LifeBegins2008-06-03T12:39:22+02:002008-06-03T12:39:22+02:00 <p>Well actually it doesn't!   Vince has just called, he's being sent to Edinburgh on the 8.30 flight this evening until Friday.  As his small suitcase is at mine, he will collect a few items from his flat and make his way over to mine where we'll meet and I'll drive him to the airport.  Hmmmm.... I seem to remember being a total wreck the last time I had to leave him at the airport. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/06/03/and-the-day-just-gets-better-4262669/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-06-03:/2008/06/03/a-bump-on-relationship-road-4261867/LifeBegins2008-06-03T09:15:38+02:002008-06-03T09:15:38+02:00 <p>Well I guess things can't always go smoothly, my only problem is I don't know what to do ar say for the best.  I'm miffed, no actually I'm angry, and when I'm angry I tend to say things I later regret, so I'm here venting my frustration to you guys and hopefully getting some good advice in return.</p> <p>When I dropped Vince off yesterday morning we'd made plans for dinner, I was cooking!  He mentioned he may have a couple of drinks after work and would ring when he was on his way so that I could 'time the dinner'.  Time ticked by.  At just after 9 my mobile rang, I could see it was Vince but by then I was already miffed and so didn't answer.  He didn't leave it ringing for long and didn't call back!  At 9.12 I received a text 'Got a quiz going.  Be home soon. Blame Patrick x' So did that mean he was on his way or not?  I went to bed, I'd lost my appetite anyway. 23.12 another text 'Nearly there, sorry I'm late x' Totally pissed off by now, tried very hard to fall asleep.  </p> <p>He appeared around 23.30, stuck his head around the bedroom door asked if I was ok and then went to watch his 'Hollyoaks' spin off thing on tv.  I woke up at 1.20, Vince was still in the lounge and asleep.  Against my better judgement I went in and woke him up telling him to come to bed which he did.  He did try to cuddle me, well he flung his arm around me before falling asleep.  I got up early this morning, not sure what I might say so decided it was probably better I stayed out of his way.  In the lounge I found a sachet of ketchup and in the kitchen bin the remains of his supper which he'd brought home with him!  Again I could feel myself getting angry.</p> <p>The drive to his this morning was 'strained' I actually commented that he was quiet without much of a response.  He asked about dinner tonight, his turn to cook and I commented that we'd still got last nights ingredients as I had been waiting for a call?  He said that he had called and I'd not answered!!!!  Anyway he could reuse some of the things!  As he got out the car I said 'See you later' (habit) to which he replied 'If you're lucky' (although he was grinning)  Well, I'm afraid that pushed me over the edge and I snapped back something along the lines of, 'Well if that's how you feel don't bother'  He did stick his head through my window for a kiss, he received a peck, then I drove off!</p> <p>Now I'm at work, still feeling miffed.  I know that he's been a single bloke for nearly 42 years, and I don't want to change him or impose 'rules' on him.  All I wanted was for him to tell me that he wasn't going to be back for dinner so that I could have sorted myself out, am I being unreasonable?  How do I put my point across without sounding like a nagging partner already??  Do I just let it go as a one off and hope it doesn't happen again, or should I make it clear how I feel about things from the start?  I know it may sound as if I've blown this out of proportion, but I don't intend becoming the doormat I was when I was married. </p> <p> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/06/03/a-bump-on-relationship-road-4261867/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-06-02:/2008/06/02/time-flies-4258689/LifeBegins2008-06-02T15:15:22+02:002008-06-02T15:15:22+02:00 <p>Where does time go to?  I can't believe that we are already into June!  </p> <p>My neice and nephew in Holland break up for their summer holidays in a week's time and my sister has to pack up their dutch home and move back to the UK.  They have found a nice house to rent, initially, in Upper Poppleton just outside of York and can collect the keys on 1st July.  Can't quite believe that they have been abroad for 3 1/2 years; it really is true that the older you get the quicker time seems to pass!  So it's with this thought that I've started pondering my future (with Vince of course) Why don't we go off travelling?  I know that 'students' take gap years so why not us?  We're older (should be wiser) and without responsibilities so why not??  All I have to do now is decide where it is I'd like to go!!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/06/02/time-flies-4258689/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-05-29:/2008/05/29/title-4242462/LifeBegins2008-05-29T14:06:02+02:002008-05-29T14:18:23+02:00 <p>Hello!  No I Haven't fallen off the face of the earth, I've just been busy, honest! </p> <p>Our respective evenings out went well and as I thought we met up to come home together.  Our evening with J&J was also a success, with them asking when we could go out again.  I did receive a phone call the following day however saying that when they'd first saw Vince they were a little taken aback as he looks so much like the ex!!!  (I still can't see it myself, but then maybe they are both within my 'type' range)</p> <p>And that leads us on to our weekend away in the Cotswolds.  We checked in with time to have a meal in the bar before retiring to our room to watch the Eurovision Song Contest - oh joy!!! but it actually was a good evening, helped by the fact that Vince was exchanging texts with his other sad Eurovision buddies and making outloud comments to the tv!  Just a shame about the result, but then I think it was what most people expected.</p> <p>The weather was awful but that didn't stop us from exploring Stroud, Cirencester, Cheltenham and Gloucester, although the majority of shops were closed due to it being a Bank Holiday weekend!  We also saw the start of the annual cheese rolling just outside of Painswick and even had time to wander around the shops in Stratford on our way home on Monday evening; and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it!  I'm NOT a female who enjoys shopping ('What'? I hear you say) but it's true.  Vince however is a huge shopoholic but he makes it so much fun!! Overall we had a fantastic weekend with plenty of quality time together. </p> <p>My next task is to arrange a night out for Cliffy C for her 45th birthday.  I'm thinking about an evening at the over 30's disco at the Cadbury Club, Bournville, my only problem is that I will be expected to play taxi driver again!  Oh well, I guess with all the good things happening I can't grumble too much!  I'm still hoping that some of my good vibes can be passed onto my blog friends that need cheering up at the moment, I'm still sending you cyber hugs, you know who you are....</p> <p></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/05/29/title-4242462/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-05-21:/2008/05/21/title-4202818/LifeBegins2008-05-21T12:49:52+02:002008-05-21T13:05:08+02:00 <p>A whole week without blogging!! Mainly due to the fact that my 'homelife' seems to have settled into a nice, comfortable routine, nothing special to report just the 'normal' sort of stuff; but it's only now that I can appreciate how much 'fun' the normal stuff can be if it's shared with the 'right' person.</p> <p>We are both out tonight with different groups of friends but will probably meet up before coming home together.  It doesn't bother me that he has his evenings out without me, I'm usually invited anyway, but I trust him and find that by us still having some personal space and time apart, we seem to be even closer. (Does that make sense?)</p> <p>We have an invite on Friday to J&J's, a couple that the ex and I met 10 years ago, with a view to meeting Vince.  Think we are both a little apprehensive, this will be the first time I've seen friends who have only ever known me as Mrs J - oh well, as they asked I'm sure it can't be too bad, can it?</p> <p>Then we have the Bank Holiday weekend and our trip to the Cotswolds, really looking forward to that now, even the fact that we have to watch Eurovision on Saturday night! So all in all the positive vibe is still flowing... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/05/21/title-4202818/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-05-14:/2008/05/14/booked-4172093/LifeBegins2008-05-14T10:45:17+02:002008-05-14T10:45:17+02:00 <p>Have booked our Bank Holiday break at the Bear of Rodborough Hotel, Stroud (Cotswolds) - YIPPEE!! </p> <p>When I got home fom work last night he was already home and cooking our dinner, and it felt right, not an invasion of 'my space or privacy' just comfortable and a little bit exciting!</p> <p>Today is our '2 month anniversary', he's bowling this evening then coming 'home'.  Strange how we both refer to mine as home, well he hasn't stayed at his in just over 2 weeks!  </p> <p>So the sun is shining and I'm happy, I hope my friends out there in blog land can catch some of my happiness <img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/060lol.gif" border="0" alt=""> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/05/14/booked-4172093/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-05-13:/2008/05/13/so-far-so-good-4168228/LifeBegins2008-05-13T14:59:26+02:002008-05-13T14:59:26+02:00 <p>After my last post about karma, I seem to have not encountered any more 'bad patches'.  My step-dad seems to be getting better, as does Millie my cranky, old cat.  Vince and I have booked our holiday to Goza, flying out on 23rd September for a week and once again I have started a diet, well it is 19 weeks today until the holiday!!</p> <p>Life seems to have become 'more settled' and I didn't really notice it happen.  Vince and I seem to have fallen into a sort of routine, mainly him staying at mine, going to watch him bowl on a Sunday and meet up with his family.  We've spoken about him moving in and that seems to be on the cards (he currently rents) when he has given notice on his flat.  We've even talked about going away for the next Bank Holiday weekend, well Saturday after his bowls match until Monday, but we can't seem to agree on where to go.  I like the sea, he likes the countryside and it must be within 2 1/2 hour drive from Birmingham to ensure we are 'settled in' before the Eurovision Song Contest starts - Yes he is a fan!!  So if anyone knows of any 'nice' hotels, guest houses within a 2 1/2 hour drive of Birmingham, suitable for a couple who don't particularly want children around - please let me know? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/05/13/so-far-so-good-4168228/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-05-07:/2008/05/07/karma-4142844/LifeBegins2008-05-07T12:50:38+02:002008-05-07T12:50:38+02:00 <p>The Gay Bar opening Friday night was excellent and Hazel Dean (remember her from the 80's - Searching and Over You?) was brilliant!  Curt and Vince got along fine, infact it was Curt who asked for a word with Vince to explain about us 'going out as friends' incase he had a problem with it, which he doesn't - so everything was good.</p> <p>Unfortunately at the moment for every good thing that happens I also seem to get a bad thing.  My cat, Millie, became lame over the weekend resulting in us taking her to the vet.  Millie has always walked with a limp due to arthritis but she was unable or unwilling to put any weight onto her one leg.  Now Millie is grumpy at best and this made her downright cantankerous!  The vet gave her a couple of injections which seemed to ease her leg for a couple of days and on Monday she was given some medication to take for a week.  Things seemed to be going ok until last night when she again seemed reluctant to put any weight onto her leg.  I'm keeping an eye on her but I'm not really sure what the long term outcome is going to be.  I really don't want her to be in pain; she doesn't go out (agrophoblic) and her only pleasure seems to be shedding her black fur on my cream duvet cover, but she then can't get off the bed without hurting the leg further, so I really don't know what will be the best for her.</p> <p>Another good thing, I was able to put Vince onto my car insurance without any additional cost - YIPPEE and then the bad thing, my step-dad collapsed yesterday afternoon.  Luckily I was there within 5 minutes by which time he had started to come round. After medical advice his blood pressure tablets have been halved, but it has badly shaken my Mom.  So I guess my life is going to be like this from now on, good karma cancelled out by bad.  Maybe this is just a transition phase and soon I'll be into the good karma only period - I do hope so!</p> <p>Vince and I have also decided to go away in September, just the two of us, to a villa on Gozo, to be able to spend some quality couple time together.  Have just booked the time off work and now I'm sitting here wondering what the next 'bad' thing to happen is going to be.  Oh well, if I'm prepared it shouldn't be so much of a shock!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/05/07/karma-4142844/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-05-02:/2008/05/02/going-to-a-gay-bar-gay-bar-4121760/LifeBegins2008-05-02T09:56:59+02:002008-05-02T09:56:59+02:00 <p>Hello everyone <img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/icon_wave.gif" border="0" alt="">  can't believe another week has passed so thought I'd just give you an update as to what's going on in my life at the moment.  Tonight, Vince, myself, Curt and Mad Fiona are going to Burton to the opening of Fiona's brothers 'Gay Bar' Bar Blush and in order to prevent myself from saying something I shouldn't, I've offered to drive.  </p> <p>You see, I didn't blog about it at the time, but the night before Vince came back from Goa and I met up with Curt and Fiona, Curt actually propositioned me as we were travelling home.  Naturally I turned him down and clarified that we are only 'friends' and after a little persuasion got him to agree that this was for the best.  I explained that on our 'second' date he had told me all about Julia, someone he'd had an affair with many years ago and who he'd recently bumped into, so I assumed his interests lay elsewhere.  On our third meeting he suggested I contact Vince and the rest is now (recent) history.  Much as I was flattered, I couldn't and wouldn't cheat on someone, I've been on the receiving end too many times and know how it feels.</p> <p>Anyway, the closeness that had developed between Vince and myself meant that when he returned he knew something wasn't quite right and has guessed what happened.  Vince and Curt have never met, until tonight that is!  So I guess I'm also a little apprehensive incase something is said or hinted at, hence my reluctance to have a drink. </p> <p>Apart from tonight, Vince is bowling Saturday and Sunday (crown green bowls), I'll probably go along on Sunday, we don't have any other plans, just intending to spend some 'quality time' together this bank holiday.  Will let you know how tonight goes, keep your fingers crossed for me!  Oh - nearly forgot, a year ago today I made my divorce absolute, the official document states 3rd May, but it was today that I went to the courts - can't believe a year has passed!<br> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/05/02/going-to-a-gay-bar-gay-bar-4121760/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-04-28:/2008/04/28/all-good-so-far-4105324/LifeBegins2008-04-28T14:23:03+02:002008-04-28T14:23:03+02:00 <p>As you can probably tell from my lack of posts, thing are going well for me at the moment.  I've always found writing (and now blogging) helps me 'clear my mind' and gives me the opportunity to say the things I wish I could have, or was brave enough to have said.  Without this blog I don't know how I would have made it through the last year.  I still can't quite believe that as at 3rd May I will have been divorced a whole year!!  </p> <p>Looking back I've had some really low points, and done some pretty stupid things but with the help and support of my friends, family and the community here in blogland, I somehow have made it through.  Yes, I may be looking at things through slightly rose coloured glasses at the moment and yes I'm quite prepared for there to be some low points still to come, but now I know that I WILL be ok and that I'm NOT a failure just because I couldn't make my marriage work.</p> <p>I've also found someone who I care about very much, Vince (yep I've finally named him!).  I've found that with him I can openly talk about things including subjects that with the ex were 'taboo' or 'just not discussed'.  I guess this is why I've not felt the need to blog so often.  I've spoken to my family and close friends about my 'feelings' and guaged their reactions as to whether they think it's too soon to be getting so deeply involved with someone else and the overwhelming opinion is to 'go for it' as they believe I've spent too long being with someone who never let the sun shine on me.  So now I'm openly telling you, my blogland friends, that for the first time in a very long time -  I'm in love.  I'm with someone who puts me first, second and third, someone who asks me things and actually listens to my answers and who makes me smile simply by being in the same room.  I'm hoping that my blog now takes an upward turn, becoming positive and happy, just like I am xx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/04/28/all-good-so-far-4105324/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-04-23:/2008/04/23/bikers-bottom-4082856/LifeBegins2008-04-23T11:07:44+02:002008-04-23T11:07:44+02:00 <p>Yes I'm back complete with Dutch bikers bottom!!  Well my sister insisted that I use her bike to get around while I was over there, great fun going out for a meal, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and then trying to ride home in a straight line, so pleased that the Dutch have very wide cycle lanes! <img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/060lol.gif" border="0" alt=""></p> <p>Had a great time with my niece and nephew, they really don't realise how lucky they are to have had the experience of living abroad.  They regularly go swimming, play basketball, have guitar and piano lessons, compete in Tang So Do tournaments, visit Germany, France, Belgium and Luxembourg to see friends that they've made and to compete in various events.  I just hope that when they move to York they won't be too disappointed.  I also hope that they are able to remember their time in Holland; although with the amount of photos and camcorder films that my sister has taken, it may be difficult for them to forget!</p> <p>The only 'down side' to my trip was being away from V.  Even my brother-in-law commented on how happy I seemed, which can only be a good thing.  He, like V, is a Leo, born in 1966 so making them 'Fire Horses' as well, and watching my brother-in-law I realised that he and V have similar traits. Now as my sister has been happily married for 17 years, I'm hoping that is also a good sign that things might now settle down for V and I and we can establish some sort of foundation for a relationship.</p> <p>I guess that one of the nicest parts of coming back home is also the reuniting with loved ones and seeing V again certainly didn't disappoint!  I'm actually now looking forward to a happier future than I thought was possible 6 months ago! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/04/23/bikers-bottom-4082856/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-04-16:/2008/04/16/off-again-4053194/LifeBegins2008-04-16T18:48:34+02:002008-04-16T18:48:34+02:00 <p><span class="Apple-style-span">Here in Rotterdam with my sister for a few days.  Let's just say that saying 'Goodbye' again was not easy!!</span> <span class="Apple-style-span"><br></span> <span class="Apple-style-span">Since Sunday evening I think I have had a total of about 8 hours sleep!!!!<span class="Apple-style-span"><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt=""></span></span> <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br></span></span> <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">Thinks are good, very good, but will tell you more when I get back!</span></span> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/04/16/off-again-4053194/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-04-14:/2008/04/14/he-s-back-he-s-back-4041699/LifeBegins2008-04-14T09:12:29+02:002008-04-14T09:12:29+02:00 <p>This morning it doesn't matter that it's grey outside and threatening to rain, because he's back and I've got a silly grin on my face!!  Meeting him after work tonight at 5, oh and he is very tanned!!!!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/04/14/he-s-back-he-s-back-4041699/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-04-11:/2008/04/11/friday-friday-4029160/LifeBegins2008-04-11T10:30:52+02:002008-04-11T10:30:52+02:00 <p>Which means only another 2 days, or 56 hours to be precise until I collect V from the airport - YIPPEEE!!!</p> <p>Have also arranged to go out tomorrow evening with C, meeting him after work in the city centre where we will probably have a meal and a couple of bottles of wine!  Can't quite believe how my 'social life' has turned around in only a matter of weeks.  I now have a good male friend and also a 'partner' (is that the correct term?  Boyfriend seems too young, lover sounds like I'm only after one thing!) in my life.  Maybe it wasn't so much a case of Life Begins at 40.. more like 41. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/04/11/friday-friday-4029160/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-04-11:/2008/04/11/for-the-love-of-mrs-brown-4028937/LifeBegins2008-04-11T09:44:59+02:002008-04-11T09:44:59+02:00 <p>Went to see this last night at the Birmingham Alexandra theatre with my mother, her neighbour, Cliffy Carol & Mad Fiona.  Saw Mrs Brown Rides Again last year, my first experience of Brendan O'Carroll's interpretation of Agnes Brown, an Irish 'Mammy'.</p> <p>Had a fantastic night, think that the writing and performance of these shows is excellent with something that appeals to all senses of humour regardless of age or background.  It really does you good to go out for an evening and be in a theatre full of people who for 2 1/2 hours just laugh their heads off!!</p> <p></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/04/11/for-the-love-of-mrs-brown-4028937/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-04-09:/2008/04/09/withdrawal-symptoms-4020349/LifeBegins2008-04-09T11:37:06+02:002008-04-09T11:37:06+02:00 <p>Really struggling now, I know there are only approximately 103 hours until I see V again, but it feels like forever!!!</p> <p>We have exchanged messages regularly and one of his last ones was asking if he could spend some quality time with me on Sunday.  Replied that we could collect his work clothes from his place en route to mine and that all our time together was 'quality time'.  </p> <p>I've got it bad haven't I????? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/04/09/withdrawal-symptoms-4020349/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-04-08:/2008/04/08/career-advice-4015779/LifeBegins2008-04-08T13:35:17+02:002008-04-08T13:35:17+02:00 <p>So here I am on my official 'day off' working extra hours at another of our units and I find myself on here!  Hmm something must be wrong.  For some time now I've been thinking about changing jobs and maybe this just proves it.  I'm an 'admin' person, a general office pleb, and for the past 4 years it's suited me.  When I was married I was fortunate enough to be able to work part-time and so took a job that allowed me to be flexible with my weekly hours, not one that offered a 'career'.   I do have professional qualifications in Administration and have worked at management level, I just have never found a job that has kept me interested.</p> <p>Certainly over the past 18 months my job has given me the financial security that I've needed and even increased my hours to ensure I didn't have to take another job elsewhere.  But the problem is, it doesn't challenge me enough and now I find that I spend most of my time bored and on here!!  It probably doesn't help that I'm also missing V, so time seems to be going twice as slowly!</p> <p>So, if anyone has some career advice for me, I'll be willing to listen!<br> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/04/08/career-advice-4015779/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-04-07:/2008/04/07/sunday-lunches-4010171/LifeBegins2008-04-07T14:32:26+02:002008-04-07T14:32:26+02:00 <p>I forgot to mention that I received an email in the week from my (ex) sister-in-law inviting me to my (ex) father-in-laws 70th birthday meal which was on Sunday.  After thinking about it (for all of 5 minutes) I declined the invitation.  The email did state that the ex wasn't going - strange not going to his own father's birthday meal but then he wasn't very close to his family anyway!  This prompted a lovely text from my (ex) brother-in-law telling me that in his opinion I would always be family to him - Arhhhh!</p> <p>Instead I agreed to have lunch with J & J a couple the ex and I first met on a cruise in 1998.  Had a really nice lunch and easy conversation.  The ex did get mentioned and they are both surprised that there still has been no contact although they do wonder as and when he finds out about V, if it will prompt him to find an excuse to contact me. But this time I will be prepared!!!</p> <p>Still missing V, but at least we are exchanging daily text messages.  Can't wait to see him on Sunday, just wish we had longer together before I go off to Holland, oh well, who needs sleep anyway??? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/04/07/sunday-lunches-4010171/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-04-05:/2008/04/05/drunk-aamp-bruised-3998700/LifeBegins2008-04-05T13:00:59+02:002008-04-05T13:00:59+02:00 <p>Went into work yesterday, still sore with bruises in places I didn't thnk were possible, but had agreed to attend a work colleagues birthday meal, so I had to go really!  </p> <p>The meal was ok, nothing special, but the 2-for-1 cocktails soon flowed, followed by a bottle of wine.  Had arranged for C to meet up with us on the evening which he did around 5.  Another bottle of wine and then decided we could do with something else to eat.  C was driving, something I hadn't planned on, so he would be taking me home, by now a little worse for alcohol, well I had been out for nearly 9 hours!  and then I get the urge to text V, just as I'd had the urge 3 weeks earlier to phone the ex.  What is it with me, alcohol and phones??? </p> <p>My message to V was seeking reassurance about how quickly things were going and if I'd mis-read the situation, well, sort of, and his reply? "Of course I love you.  I don't normally spend 25 years of my life on lost causes.  Glad you had a good time with C.  I also trust you. x"   Receiving that message instantly calmed me, sobered me up slightly so I wouldn't mis-behave and blame the alcohol, and also gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling.  Think I will make it through the next week ok now...</p> <p> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/04/05/drunk-aamp-bruised-3998700/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:lookingforward.blog.co.uk,2008-04-03:/2008/04/03/ouch-3991176/LifeBegins2008-04-03T16:11:55+02:002008-04-03T16:11:55+02:00 <p>Am typing this whilst lying on my back trying hard not to move!  Had a slight accident last night whilst getting out of the bath, one minute I was drying one foot about to place it on the floor, the next, I'm lying sidewards back in the bath!!  Not being a 'small' woman, my left hand side has taken the full force of my weight.  did go into work this morning but was promptly sent home!</p> <p>Had already decided not to text V today (strange stella_jones has blogged a similar thing) as I don't want to appear needy or clingy but he text me asking how I was and so I told him I was at home in bed and his reply?  'Hope you didn't damage anything!  Stay in bed and wait for me to get back.  I'll sort you out! xxxx'   Oh, if only......... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lookingforward.blog.co.uk/2008/04/03/ouch-3991176/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>