Well I guess I need to update you on how my evening with C went, truthfully ok, not as good as some peoples evenings (Katie not getting home until 4!) but good enough for me!

The pub we'd agreed to meet at was a trendy, loud, pretentious place and we only stayed for one drink.  I, after much deliberating, had decided to drive so drove us to a quieter 'local' pub where we could actully hear each other.  We both spoke about our failed marriages, not placing blame and not being bitter.  Conversation was easy and there were no awkward silences.  C did say that when my sister spoke to him last week, she had more or less given him the full story about me and ex - Thanks Sis!!!  My phone did ring a couple of times during the evening, from concerned friends worried incase I needed an excuse to escape, but I reassured them I was OK; and then my parents joined us for a drink - Oh well maybe things were going too well anyway!  C thought it was highly amusing and actually my Mom can be very good company especially after a drink.  They only stayed for one and then went and I drove C home.  We've agreed it was a pleasant evening and we'd both like to meet up again soon, so we'll see what happens next.

I like C, it's nice to talk to a male and I enjoyed his company.  I'm not thinking any further than the fact I may have found a nice, male friend to go out with from time to time.  Was there any chemistry?  I don't think so, but then I wasn't really looking for a 'mate' in that respect.

He did say something to me which was also said to me about a year ago by someone I had also not seen for years and has been 'festering away' ever since.  You see when I left school I was regarded as 'brainy'.  I was always the 'top girl' in exams etc and had a healthy rivalry with the 'top boy'.  If I wasn't best in the year he was and visa versa.  It was expected that I would go on to do A levels and then university but I did neither. 

What was important to me when I left school was to earn.  My Mom had brought us up by herself since my Dad died at the age of 34 (I was 11 at the time and sister was 9) and I really wanted to contribute to the household budget so that Mom could take it easier and have some nice things for herself. So I got a job.

What C said, and had been said previously to me, was that they were surprised I wasn't a high flyer or company director or something exciting, and I guess that has made me think, what exactly have I done with the 25 years since I left school?  What have I achieved, what do I have to show for the time that's passed?  And sadly the answer is absolutely nothing!  I am living practically where I did when I left school: I don't have a partner or children to show for the time.  It's as if my life has just been a big circle and I've ended up exactly where I started from 25 years ago!  C said that it isn't such a bad thing because I now have the opportunity to head off in a new direction, but with more life experience than I did when I was 16.  The problem is, like then, I still don't know what I want to do. 


So to summarise, because I've waffled on, I think I've got a new friend but I also now have a dilemma.  What the hell am I going to do with the rest of my life???