Looking Forward

We reached our 6 month anniversary (is there a name for this, like a demi-versary?) and now only have 5 days until our holiday.  I believe that depending on how the holiday goes, Vince will give up his flat when we get back.  We've had a couple of conversations about 'us' and 'the future' and 'emotions' usually after he's had a bit to drink as he tends to be very guarded about telling me how he feels. 

Overall, my understanding of the situation is this, Vince loves me and wants this to work, however lurking from our past is the 'fear' that I could change my mind at any moment.  He rarely tells me that he loves me, saying that his actions should be enough for me to know, but again, when prompted into a discussion, he'll admit that his reasons are to do with the past.  In his own words, 'I told you I loved you only for you to steal my heart, tear it into pieces and then stamp all over it, only for you to come back into my life and do it all over again'.  I know that he's looking forward to our holiday and I also know that it's a final 'test' of me.  He does have a point, although we've been practically living together for the past 5 months, we've not spent 24 hours a day for 7 days, together. 

We do talk more openly about the future.  He's looking to change jobs, progress in his career and does ask my opinion on vacancies and locations.  We've looked at changing my car and the possibility of buying somewhere together but no firm plans on either.  I really believe that the holiday will be a make or break time, not that I intend to let that stop me having a good time, and I firmly believe that when we get back he will give up his flat. 

My Mom has had a minor op to try to sort out her problems and she is still waiting on the results of a CT scan but things are generally looking ok for her health wise.

Vince's step-dad died suddenly (aged 54) so we've had the upset of that to deal with, the funeral was last week. 

Vince has been working away in Ireland, he came back last week prior to the funeral and (fingers crossed) shouldn't have to go back.

My sister and her family seem to have settled into life in York.  They are coming to visit this weekend as it's my baby sister's 40th birthday!!!

I've decided to change jobs and have taken a secondment at one of our other sites that I sometimes cover for.  It means a slight pay rise but that is offset by the fact it's slightly more travelling!  My main reason for moving is that I know I won't be bored there. 

But I guess what you really want to know is how Vince & I are getting along?   Well...... from my point of view, very, very well!  I'm still happy and have never laughed so much, the down side is I still occasionally have moments of real self doubt.  I can't understand why someone so charming, loving, good-looking is with me.  I over react to silly things due to my lack of self confidence although I try not to say or do anything to show this, it doesn't stop the doubts in my own mind growing out of all proportion.

Vince still has his own flat although he hasn't stayed there in months.  This at times can be a 'thorn' for me.  I can understand him wanting his own space, somewhere to 'fall back to' but then at other times I see it as a lack of commitment to me.  I know that he just hasn't had time over the past couple of months to sort anything out; I guess I'm just impatient!  He's out tonight on a works leaving do and has suggested that he actually stay at his own flat, maybe being there will make him miss his 'home comforts', I hope so!

So, that's me up to date, should I think of anything else I'll let you know!

Just a quick entry as although it's my day off and I'd planned catching up on some sleep, I have to take my mother to the hospital this afternoon to discuss the results of a scan she had yesterday that has shown a growth in her womb! 

Vince also came home last night and has been told he's off to Dublin today until Friday/Saturday, then back to Dublin Monday for the week with the possibility of another week after that!!

Work is still not occupying me (hence this entry now).  I really need to decide whether I look for something else or plan my escape to the sun! Evenings and weekends when not seeing my Mom or friends, are mainly taken up spending time with Vince, either bowling or just chilling in the flat.  I have to say that I've never been so happy, nor have I laughed so much; I'm sure my neighbours must wonder what's going on sometimes!!  His wardrobe is now built and a suitcase full of clothes appeared yesterday.  We still haven't spoken about a 'moving in date' as such but as he always stays at mine, I guess it's as if he's moved in already anyway!

My only problem, if you can call it that, is the fact I'm still having difficulty adjusting to being just 'a partner'.  That may sound stange , but what I mean is, when I was married I was 'a wife' and along with that came certain expectations and/or obligations.  As a partner I have to take a step backwards and allow him his independence, space to still be an individual, not always part of a couple.  Not that I suffocated my husband you understand but I think I'm still finding it difficult when he goes out with the lads or out on works do's (which seem to happen most Friday evenings) even though he always returns home to me.  Maybe it's just my own insecurities making me paranoid.  I do trust him (unlike the ex) and I know that he trusts me.  I guess I've just got to learn to 'go with the flow', not worry about problems or situations which don't exist, learn to relax and enjoy it, after all he does make me so very happy!

A Tale of Two Prawns

 Far  away  in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were

 (You're going to love this.....)

I felt ok first thing this morning, but now, sitting at work, my head is throbbing and I feel ever so slightly sick.  Have also just checked my mobile and for some bizarre reason, after being put into bed I text Vince, who was in the lounge, and asked him to marry me!! His reply???  If you promise no sherry at the reception x

Vince and I have been getting along fine since his trip to Edinburgh, very well infact!!  He hasn't exactly moved in yet, but he hasn't slept at his own flat in over 6 weeks!  He's mentioned giving his own place up, but I can understand the need for both of us to maintain a degree of independance, so I haven't forced the issue. However, a matching flat-pack wardrobe was delivered to mine on Saturday so that he has somewhere for all his clothes!!  Saturday also marked our 3 month '1/4versary' again, I can't quite believe where the time has gone!

It's now only 14 weeks (tomorrow) until our holiday to Gozo.  I really must go on a diet between now and then, well, maybe from tomorrow!  Tonight I'm taking Vince to a bowls competition over in Solihull and there's a really nice country pub over that way that does good food that I've been dying to take him to as a way of saying 'Thank You' for the Cotswolds weekend, so tonight is my opportunity!  Which reminds me, did I mention that when he bought his new 'red,white & blue' bowls I also purchased a pair? They're bright yellow and weigh 2lbs 2ozs each and look like a couple of grapefuits on the green, but as I'm only playing for fun, I don't mind the jokes!!